number nine with a smile (cold_turkey) wrote,
number nine with a smile

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Aero blows.

I've had some time to chill out. Got some Christmas shopping done. Eating some chicken noodle soup. So, I'm going to take a few minutes to be more specific about why I hate my job. Mainly for venting purposes. Maybe also for some vindication.

So, this weekend I've been sort of ill. Ill in the sense that I'm in constant pain. Anyone that suffers from canker sores know that they're painful, but I don't know that many people that gets them in large clusters the way that I do. One side of my cheek/gums/tongue just a mine field of sores. It's not pretty. I don't mean to be foul. But it's what I live with. I don't get them as much as I used to, but whenever I'm getting sick and my immune system is weakened (or I'm very stressed), I get them. I've been sort of fighting off a cold so my mouth is just a cluster of pain. I try to tough it out and continue to function and talk, but it's not fun and I don't relish it. I hate canceling band practice since we only get to practice once a week, but Saturday singing just was not an option.

That being said, today I had an on-call shift from 2 to 6. Which means I call in at 1 and I ask if they need me and if they do, I come in. When I got up, I was in pain and not feeling well. Today is also December 8th. If you know me well enough you know what that means. Point being, I just wasn't feeling up to going in. If it was a full shift and merch flow was completely on me, I probably would have forced myself to go in, but figuring it was just an on-call shift to do left over shit, I decided to call out.

Calling out of work; something I've never done the entire time I've worked there. I've worked there since May. Never missed a day. Never missed an on-call. Sure, I haven't always been volunteering to help out with 6am floor sets or whatever, but I've covered people's shifts, I've stayed late on many occasions and furthermore I've worked very, very hard. Probably harder than most people. I don't think taking off for a four hour shift (which is only scheduled for me to cover someone's ass) is too much to ask.

So I call in and Matt, my store manager, answers and I tell him that I'm not going to be able to come in today. He asks why. I say because I'm not feeling well enough to. That I have bad canker sores and that I'm in pain. So what does he tell me? That I have to get a doctor's note.

A fucking doctor's note for a cold and a canker sore?

I can't remember exactly how he worded it, but basically, if I don't deliver a doctor's note, I'm fired.

Makes me want to laugh. I bet when he called out on Friday for the entire day and Katy and Kate had to cover his shift (because his car broke down) he probably doesn't have to bring in a note from his mechanic verifying the story. Besides the fact that the day my car was hit outside of my house, I STILL made it into work. An associate. Not a fucking store manager. I made it in. So now when I call out FOR AN ON-CALL I have to bring in a doctor's note or I'm fired. RIDICULOUS!

I can't stand him. He's a tyrant. He calls the associates "fucking idiots" and "fucking bitches" behind their backs. He's lazy and cuts corners and yells at everyone else to go "faster, faster". Furthermore, he said defamatory things about Jewish people to me and then said, "... Are you Jewish?" I'm not, but what if I was? And, my religion aside, he said things that I found offensive. He could have been worse, but it's just the whole idea of him being the store manager, the authority. He has no respect for women. I do believe he's a racist and clearly is a bigot.

So, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go into work. I don't have a doctor's note. My mom is going to try to get me one, but if I didn't have her connections to the hospital, I don't know if I would be able to. It's not like a doctor visit is cheap. I don't have medical insurance.

I don't know. There's just a lot of shit going around inside of my head. All the things that I find so wrong about my job. How frustrated I am. How unhappy I am. Working Monday through Friday feels like I'm back in high school. Getting up early everyday and doing the same thing again and again and again. The repetition is killing me. I'm miserable. I got this job to make a little money while I worked on my music and now it's taken over the majority of my life. I can really only see the band on Saturdays and if we started playing shows I don't know when I'd even have time to practice or prepare. I feel like I have to lie to get time off work just so I can even see Vince for a few hours. My dog needs booster shots, but I just don't know when I could do that. Not that I could afford it. I don't know. I'm in a rut. I'm not happy. I'm making due and I know that I'm lucky to even have a job, but it's not good to have a job where the hours I get feel more like a punishment rather than something good. I think I'm going to have to start looking around. The holiday temps make as much as I do and I worked there since May and I have a million times more responsibility than them. It's so frustrating. The pay check is not big enough for me to put up with this. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to say fuck it.

I think that's enough about Aero. I'm getting frustrated again. Today sucks. It does every year, though, so I guess that's nothing new.

- jenell
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